28. Watermelon & Friendship Pornography

Today, we talk about friendship and the many friendship substitutes we’ve created for ourselves: television, twitch streams, and perhaps even podcasts about sparkling water?

Water of the week is watermelon from Good & Gather, La Croix and a strawberry-watermelon-flavored sparkling protein water from Fizzique.

If you enjoy the podcast, please go to Apple Podcasts and leave us a review. God bless.

27. Peach-Apricot & the Enlightened Child

In this episode, we talk about difficult-to-explain childhood experiences of mindfulness. Why does the eight year old mind spontaneously and without judgement bring all attention to the present moment?

If you meet the Buddha, kill him.

Water of the week is Peach from Sparkling OH!, Peach Apricot from Yerbana and Apricot from La Croix.

26. 2nd Berry & 9th Grade

In this episode, we learn about the strange layers of Schisandra Chinensis, the five flavor fruit of the Russian Far East. We also indulge in the enjoyable recollection of events from the grade school era.

Water of the week is Trader Joe’s Sparkling Mineral Water Mixed Berry, Sparkling Yerbaé Pomegranate Berry, and Schisandra Berry from the Sparkling Botanicals line by Rishi.

Please visit AmericanDecline.org for links to our store and Patreon.

25. Tu(r)meric with David Phillips

This is the first part of our David Phillips session (the second part was published last week) recorded during out visit to Portland Oregon.

We take a medical history on Dave and he dives into his uncomfortable and mouth-discoloring bouts with the flesh of Indonesian Tumeric. We briefly touch on the topics of Luciakatter (Swedish Saffron Buns), cardamom buns, Burma, the Nobel peace prize, and rhizomes, and then we focus on the big stuff: What actually happened while we were living together in Shanghai? And was it right?

Water of the week is a flight of turmeric-flavored crispy bois: Turmeric Gloe Blood Orange Sparkling, the turmeric saffron flavor from the line of Sparkling Botanicals by Rishi and Honey Lime Tonic with whole ginger and turmeric from Rhizome.

If you want to support the podcast, please visit AmericanDecline.org

24. Maté: Mint with David Phillips

For this episode we drink sparkling erva-mate and then we go full Freudian: What are our parents? Can we stop talking to our parents for a period? What is our relationship with ourselves? Did they create us, only to destroy us? And then we get fairly honest about how bad things can get and why things can always get worse.

Water of the week is mint sparkling Yerba Mate: Clean Cause Berry Mint, Yerbana Mint and Guayakí Blackberry Mint.

To support the podcast, visit AmericanDecline.org for links to our store and Patreon.

23. Ananas with Marissa Rodriguez

Social Justice Warrior Marissa invites us into the kaleidoscopic world of Seattle Dating and the narrative culminates with a philosophical conundrum on a picnic blanket where Marissa is for forced to choose between her political convictions and her sexual desires.

A riveting tale of real-life intrigue and drama. Five stars.

Water of the week is Ananasas from Simple Truth Organic and Trader Joe’s Sparkling Mineral Water.

Please visit AmericanDecline.org for a opportunity to support the podcast.

22. Ginger & Self-Sabotage

Here, we have a manyielding and perishing under the burden of himself.

In this episode, we also chance upon the official beverage of Buddhist enlightenment.

Water of the week is Ginger Sparkling OH!, Trader Joe’s Seltzer with a Splash: Lemon & Ginger Juice, Strawberry Ginger Sparkling from Voss, and Dandelion Ginger from Sparkling Botanicals by Rishi.

21. Alt-Citrus & Sexual Trauma

We cannot plan for these conversations. When the time is right, these things simply happen. In this episode, we open up about sexual trauma and the road to a shared understanding of bad experiences.

Water of the week is Alt-Citrus: Trader Joe’s Sparkling Coconut Water with Yuzu, Klarbrunn’s Pomelo Grapefruit and Trader Joe’s Cranberry Clementine Sparkling Mineral Water.

Please visit AmericanDecline.org for links to our store and instructions on how to be a Basic Bubble Boy.

20. Coconut-Pineapple with the Most Patriotic Man in America

Today, in honor of the 1776 federal holiday of July 4th Independence from Natives, we speak to Proud Citizen Max Loring about pineapples and American exceptionalism.

You have all heard about Reagan-Democrats and Obama-Trump voters. Well, get ready, because you’re about to meet a man with two types of love in his heart: In 2008, a love for Hillary Clinton during the democratic primary and, in 2019, a love for Donald Trump’s reelection campaign.

Let’s raise a glass of sparkling water to all the Hillary-Trump voters out there.

Water of the week is Pineapple-Coconut from Soleil by Signature Select, Good & Gather, and Klarbrunn. Please visit AmericanDecline.org to learn more about how to become a Basic Bubble Boy in support of the podcast.

19. Very, Very Plain with Ivan the Benevolent

Like a crazy ex-boyfriend rising out of the No-Contact Order ashes, Ivan returns to the podcast and one thing is clear: The Sparkling Water Community Loves Ivan.

We talk restaurant reopenings, remouladesås, gamer girl bath water, Nintendo 64 and the giving and receiving of gifts.

Water of the week is oh-so-plain: Unflavored Sparkling Mineral Water by Mountain Valley, Whole Foods Italian Sparkling and Gerolsteiner Sprudel.

Please visit AmericanDecline.org for more information on how to support the podcast.

18. Cherry-Lime & the Uyghur Autonomous Region

“The Swedish Crown comes out in favor of Ethnic Minority Protesters.”

This is the official report from a recent visit by the Swedish delegation to the 2020 Capital Hill Ethnic Minority Autonomous Region.

Also, we perform a live session of cleromancy to derive a King Wen hexagram from a 3000-year-old Chinese text. Through the happenstance of flipping three coins, the ancient sage offers up useful instructions for the white ally in the modern era.

Water of the week is Cherry-Lime from Eternal Sparkling, Klarbrunn and Clean Cause.

17. Topo Chico with Eric Banh

For the second half of our Ba Bar special, we are joined by owner Eric Banh of the Saigon Siblings restaurant group. This is a conversation about the food, the shutdown and the reopening. Eric opens up about his childhood in Saigon, his first memory of America, and life as a refugee in Malaysia.

The philosophy of the restaurant is held up to the light and many things are revealed, and we finally learn what the deal is with the Vegan Pumpkin Curry!

Water of the week is a Topo Chico retrospective: Plain, Twist of Lime, Twist of Grapefruit, and most important Bernardo Style.

16. Ginger & the Extrajudicial Killings

In this episode, host M. Joakim Eriksson talks race and racism. This includes a treatment on fake money, alienation, and the strange narrative voice used to talk about problematic governance in faraway places. (If your podcatcher can handle URLs, then here’s a link to the WaPo article)

The second half of this episode is our comprehensive remarks on The Role of a Pen in a Restaurant.

Water of the week is Ginger-Orange Sparkling Yerba Mate from Clean Cause, Ginger Glo from Sparkling Glo, and Apple-Ginger from AHA.

15. Tangerine with Sho Sheller

This is the first half of our Ba Bar special.

We talk women, politics and cocktail-making. Eventually, around the half-way mark, we get to the good stuff and Sho admits that hiring Joakim at the restaurant “definitely ruffled some feathers.” But what does that even mean? What did I do wrong???

The water of the week is Tangerine from La Croix, Signature Select and Voss (Tangerine-Lemongrass).

14. Lime with M. Joakim Eriksson

For today’s episode, Joakim puts his faith in the random universe to deliver a theme and a topic. Was this a good idea? Can the thin air act as a foundation to build a podcast episode upon?

Yes and no. Regardless, Joakim will always find a way to talk about his failed marriage.

The water of the week is a triplet interpretation of another jazz standard: LIME!

  1. FieldDay
  2. Signature Select
  3. Topo Chico

13. And the winner is…

Today, we learn that Joakim struggles with a hoarding disorder fueled by narcissism and a persistent delusion of success: Nothing can be deleted from his hard-drive, because soon all these adoring fans might want to study every .txt and decode every .jpg and nod along to every .mp3.

Luckily, a Dropbox subscription is only twelve bucks a month.

Oh, and lastly we pick a winner from the Little Black Dog competition. This week’s water is anot installment of the Grapefruit sessions: Topo Chico, Polar Seltzer and Soleil by Signature Select.

12. Watermelon with M. Joakim Eriksson

For this episode, we raise our cups and monologue about humiliation, fear and watermelon. Somehow, while speaking of these things, Joakim’s mind will always wander back to Jojje Olsson—a “journalist” from Sweden.

Another week, another water: Kiwi-Watermelon by La Croix (Curate), Watermelon by Hint (sparkling?) and Lime-Watermelon by AHA.

11. Orange with Marissa Rodriguez

GUEST-OF-THE-YEAR MARISSA is brought back for another open therapy session where host M. Joakim Eriksson is forced to accept a difficult truth: Other people are never the problem. This is followed by light banter about alcoholism, racism and how to excommunicate a parent. Fun.

Water of the week: Orange from Field Day, Bubly and Crystal Geyser.

10. Waterloo with Max Loring

This episode is one hour and seventeen minutes of hard-hitting questions followed by a fearless pursuit of answers. Which berry is Joakim’s biker grandpa allergic to? Did Napoleon figure it all out in the end? Death before decaf? Has Max always been playing too many video games? Seattle’s “utomsocknes” with a terrible fashion sense—where are they really from? Ohio or Florida?

That’s all from the first fifteen minutes, because pretty soon we arrive at the China question: wet markets, Chinese politics and concentration camps in Xinjiang.

Water of the week: Watermelon, Grape and Strawberry from Waterloo.

9. Plain with Lacey Starr

For our second session with Lacey, we talk about our experiences inside and outside the world of sexual harassment, then we touch on drugs and/or parenting. Again, a big thank you to Grey Block Pizza for sponsoring the episode.

Water of the week: Plain by San Pellegrino, Perrier and SmartWater.

8. PampleThree with the Ghost of Max Loring

For today’s episode, we monologue with the ghost of Max Loring about why we can’t just be happy for each other—why does everything have to be so petty and small-minded? Why do I want everyone else to fail?

This week’s water is a follow-up to the Grapefruit Sessions: Spindrift, Good & Gather and Kirkland Signature.

7. Cucumber with Ivan the Betrayer

This is our much anticipated interview with ousted co-founder Ivan the Betrayer. Working out of a family garage, Ivan and I attempted to produce a user-friendly podcast about Sparkling Water—staying up all night, tinkering with the recipe for hours and hours, manically talking to ourselves about the perfect format.

As you all know, Ivan abandoned us amid a power struggle over creative control. This might be the return of a disgraced co-founder, but make no mistake: Ivan is no Steve Jobs.

This week’s water: Cucumber Mint from Good & Gather, Múre Pepino from La Croix (Cúrate), Cucumber Lemon by Voss.

6. Peach with Lacey Starr

We sit down with Straight-Shooter Lacey Starr and talk memes and momos before wandering into the mysterious forest of Sushi. Many things are revealed during the recording of this brief episode, most notably we finally know who has a crush on whom—judge for yourselves.

Water of the week: Peach from Bubly, Ginger-Peach from Good & Gather and Peach-Nectarine from Talking Rain.