60. As Empty as Those Who Are Full of Themselves

Does it matter what I write in the episode description? Give us this week our weekly water, as we give water to those who water against us: Strawberry from GreenWise, Strawberry Lemon from Revive Sparkling Probiotic, and Strawberry from Spindrift. Also, the sparkling community would like to thank Bri Lavergne (of the Igers Tampa Lavergnes) for bringing me GreenWise sparkling water all the way from Publix in Florida.

57. How to Welcome a Guest into your Home

In this episode, we drink blackberry-flavored sparkling water and talk about two important Americans: Kanye West and ICE BOY PLUMBING.

Blackberry from Drink Simple Sparkling Maple Water, Revive Sparkling Probiotic Water, and Signature Select Raspberry Blackberry-Flavored Sparkling Water Beverage (DISQUALIFIED).

An Open Letter to Signature Select: First of all, why call it a “Sparkling Water Beverage”? Do you offer sparkling waters which are not beverages? What are they then? Are they used for cleaning? Are they used to restore hair color? What are we doing here? I don’t think you are taking this very seriously. I would really like us to press the reset button and start over from the beginning.

Your Friend, Joakim

Episode also available on YouTube.

56. The Old Man in the Rocking Chair is Always Waiting

Why is Pomegranate the Fruit of Death? Perhaps, in a way, that’s what we’ll answer in this episode.

Ramlösa Funktionsvatten med extrakt från Goji och Acerola smaksatt med Granatäpple, Cascade Ice Organic Pomegrante Mango, Bubbl’r Pomegranate Acai Refresh’r, Fizzique Sparkling Protein Water Pomegranate Punch.

Bla, bla, bla, this podcast is also available on YouTube.

55. Trader Joe’s Dark Chocolate Covered Espresso Beans

In this episode, we touch on David Lynch, San Francisco and Espresso Beans. Then, for the second half, we recount all the memories from fifth grade that will never leave us.

Water of the week is Cola: Clear/Cut Phocus Cola Caffeinated Sparkling Water, Signature Select Caffeine Free Diet Cola, Boneyard Elixir CBD Cola Sparkling Water.

This Week in Sparkling Water is also available on YouTube.

54. Twisty from Burger & Cream

This episode is about the mind of a depressed person. Water of the week is unflavored, since all joy has left and we find ourselves even unable to perceive color: Mineragua from Jarritos, Plain from Talking Rain and Sparkling from Liquid Death. This Week in Sparkling Water is also available on YouTube.

This Week in Washington, D.C.

This is our Season Finale. We discuss our trip to Washington D.C. and our walk to the White House. Then, we talk about the light-colored birch wood of Swedish governance, arguing in a healthy relationship, Chinese public transportation, the Homelessness Crisis, East Coast architecture, McDonalds Mighty Wings and open-faced lobster salad sandwiches.

Also: is President Joe Biden about to be extradited to Finland?

Special thanks to Cooper Shaw, Marissa Rodriguez, Max Loring, Chase Windu, Lacey Starr (not the pornographic actress), Ivan the Benevolent, [REDACTED], Eric Banh, David Phillips, Megan Suter, Matt King Carty and Julie Kennedy.

Water of the week is Pickle Rick Miracle Seltzer from Rick and Morty, Calamansi Sparkling Water from Sanzo, and Seltzer Water with a Hint of the Dr. Flavor from Kroger.

Support the podcast by purchasing merch: shop.spreadshirt.com/SparklingWater

49. Guava & the Passport Bus

Here’s another sleepy episode in honor of the 46th President of the United States: Sleepy Joe Biden! The True Slept King!

This week, we review three flavors of Guava-flavored sparkling water: Guava CBD Seltzer from Queen City Hemp, Pineapple Guava Passionfruit from Organic Brew Dr. Kombucha and Cherry Guava Blend’r from Bubbl’r.

48. The President & The Chairman

In the 1970s, Chairman Mao’s political power was fading and he was being sidelined by the establishment. After decades of propaganda, the people loved him personally, and so he decided to circumvent the bureaucracy and speak directly to the people. The Chairman told the people that China was threatened by class enemies that had infiltrated the Party, the military and the cultural sphere, and he told his supporters to take to the street. Question everyone and everything, he said. He encouraged mass rallies and chaos, but he did need to give exact instructions on what to do with class enemies. His supporters knew what to do, and many of Chairman Mao’s former allies were tortured and died in prison.

Was January 6th, 2021 an attempted Cultural Revolution-style moment for President Trump? Are the ‘Hang Mike Pence’ chants a simple Liu Shaoqi moment for the President? Or are we seeing cracks of disillusionment in the conspiracy wing of Trumpism, much like how the idea of Chairman Mao lost the mandate of heaven after Lin Biao? Is President-Elect Biden a Khrushchev-type character? Can the center hold if the military storms the inauguration?

Take a listen and learn from history.

Water of the week is Strawberry-Kiwi from Yerbae, Strawberry-Kiwi from Sparkling Ice, and Strawberry-cucumber from AHA!

Support the pod: shop.spreadshirt.com/sparklingwater

47. PampleFour & the Nighttime Ramblings

Tonight, we attempt something new and record an episode during the dead of night. The results are ramblings that are even more incoherent than usual. Also, we should all agree that this is appropriate when talking about Q Anon and the coming Revolutionary War of Memes.

Water of the week is a fourth installment of our Grapefruit Sessions: Cranberry Grapefruit Sparkl’r from Bubbl’r, Grapefruit Quince from Sparkling Botanicals by Rishi and Grapfruit from Clear/Cut Phocus.

46. And One More Blood Orange for the Road

This episode contains big announcements and small questions: What is a game? Why do we play games? What is alcoholic thinking? Why do we always believe that very soon everything will change?

Support the podcast and buy a coffee mug from the official TWSW store: shop.spreadshirt.com/sparklingwater

Water of the week is Blood Orange from Wyld CBD, Blood Orange from Queen City Hemp, and Blood Orange Mango Mingl’r from Bubbl’r.

This week’s episode is dedicated to David Felker who we lost on New Years Eve to the Covid-19 Pandemic.

44. Raspberry & the Destruction of Records

In this episode, we talk about our conversation with Joakim Senior. The Old Man. The Pasta Papa. Dad. It was a conversation that revealed considerable disintegration, and this is the same cringeworthy disintegration that we see inside of ourselves with all the Joaquim, Joey, Joe, Joakim and Yooajim.

The conclusion is clear: We need a Presidential Records Act to protect all these stupid and contradictory selves.

Water of the week is Raspberry from Wyld CBD, Patagonia Maqui from Sparkling Botanicals by Rishi and Twisted Elix’r from Bubbl’r.

42. Breakup Berry with Julie Kennedy

Joakim was dating Julie until six months ago and he always refused to speak openly about the relationship on the podcast—-Why? Because he did not respect her? Because he was afraid of commitment? Because he was self-absorbed and did not care about other people’s emotions?

Let’s discuss.

If you want to buy Julie’s calendar with photos of all the dogs that visit Ha! in Fremont, go to www.etsy.com/shop/dogsofha

Water of the week is Pitaya Berry Nect’r from Bubbl’r, Strawberry Basil from Aura Bora and Raspberry from Spindrift.

40. Unemployed Lime with Max Loring

A dark rain fell over the police station and an empty taxi quietly turned a corner and disappeared in the night. The city was in a bad mood and the year was long in the tooth, perhaps too long.

 “Gentlemen,” said police chief Jay Inslee without a smile, “Do you know why I’ve called you into my office?”

“I could take a guess,” said Max Loring and flashed that well-known Devil May Care smile, but his loose cannon reputation could not save him. Not this time.

“Sir,” said Joakim Eriksson sheepishly, “Are we in trouble? We’re not in trouble, right?”

“I’m sick and tired of making excuses for you two! You’re an embarrassment to the department! Give me your badge and your gun! You’re off the Vietnam case!”

“But chief…” said Joakim, “I always restock soup cups when it’s not busy!”

“Now!” yelled Chief Inslee.

Max Loring wanted nothing more than to grab the chief’s collar and bark out the old adage: You can’t fire me, I quit!

But he didn’t, because then he’d no longer be entitled to unemployment benefits. And with that, the two renegade cops tucked their tails into the underwear and walked off into the rain-slick night, thinking to themselves: Huh, so that’s it? No more Ba Bar?

Water of the week is another lime supercut: Lemon Lime from Ugly Soda, Yuzu & Lime from Clear/Cut Phocus, Keylime Pie from La Croix, Lime Mint from Voss, Lime from Bubly, Lime from Perrier and Lime from La Croix.

39. Ramuné & the Shameful Moral Inventory

In this episode, we admit to God, to ourselves, and to our podcast subscribers the exact nature of our wrong. We talk about our deepest fear and most poisonous resentment. Perhaps, by discussing it here–out in the open–we could break our pattern of denial? Perhaps none of it will matter anymore and we will know a new freedom?

Also, we crack open a glass bottle from Japan: Ramuné Premium Carbonated Soft Drink in three flavors. Orange. Peach. Grape.