Field Research: Day 28
My first job in America was not really a job. Continue reading ““Take the bus into a low-income neighborhood and sell your blood for $50””
Cash Ruins Everything Around Me (C.R.E.A.M.)
Dear Sweden,
Here in America, banks provide a valuable service to their community. Continue reading “Cash Ruins Everything Around Me (C.R.E.A.M.)”
The Penis Catalog
Dear Sweden,
Here in America, there are no penis catalogs that wives can flip through to pick out the perfect penis for their husband’s penis augmentation surgery. Continue reading “The Penis Catalog”
Impeachment and a Looming American Refugee Crisis
Tipping is Racist, Here’s Why
Field Research: Day 3
On my third day in America, I walk downstairs to get a haircut. The hair-dresser is a pleasant local woman in her early thirties. Continue reading “Tipping is Racist, Here’s Why”
It’s A Wrap—Swede Spills Beans On Big Burrito (part5)
Field Research: Day 188
I arrived at work and noticed that something was different. The sound of vegetable chopping was muted and anxious. The small-talk was subdued and peppered with dry throat-clearings. A sweaty mechanic was splayed out on the floor in front of me. He was tightening some bolts on the bottom of a sink. Continue reading “It’s A Wrap—Swede Spills Beans On Big Burrito (part5)”
American Sign Language
Please DO NOT open this Visa Envelope
Field Research: Day 1
“Shifu, today I am moving to America,” I say as the taxi climbs the on-ramp and careens toward the Beijing Capital Airport. At first, the taxi driver does not respond. Then he mumbles, “Good.” Continue reading “Please DO NOT open this Visa Envelope”
Movie Review: Birth of a Nation (2016)
Field Research: Day 391
Today I went to the Varsity Theater in Seattle and paid $4.00 for a bag of peanut M&Ms and $10.50 for a ticket to Birth of a Nation. Continue reading “Movie Review: Birth of a Nation (2016)”
In Conversation With Animals
Dear Sweden,
Here in America, we have adopted a dog. The staff at the Seattle Humane Society gave us a strange and awkward look when we explained that we needed a dog “because dog-ownership is an integral stepping stone toward understanding the American experience from the inside.” Continue reading “In Conversation With Animals”
What I learned after moving to America and getting a job at Chipotle (part4)
Field Research: Day 135
In March of 2016, I traveled to China for two weeks to officiate a friend’s wedding. Upon my return, the restaurant manager waved me over and greeted me. She was sitting with one of the middle-managers. She said, “We are getting all new furniture for the restaurant. Chairs and tables.” Continue reading “What I learned after moving to America and getting a job at Chipotle (part4)”
TrumpCare’s Unpalatability, Explained
Dear Sweden,
Here in America, President Trump and Speaker Ryan have unveiled their new healthcare proposal: The American Health Care Act (AHCA). Continue reading “TrumpCare’s Unpalatability, Explained”
What I learned after moving to America and getting a job at Chipotle (part3)
Field Research: Day 97
On February 8, 2016, all Chipotle restaurants across the country remained closed. Instead, all employees were requested to show up at nearby movie theaters to participate in a live-streaming event with upper management. Continue reading “What I learned after moving to America and getting a job at Chipotle (part3)”
How Americans Understand «Truth»
Dear Sweden,
Here in America, civilians are routinely exposed to false and misleading information. Our America-based researchers are chronically exhausted from living and working in a Low-Trust Information Environment. But for the locals, this is normal. Continue reading “How Americans Understand «Truth»”
When the Emperor Loses Interest in Governing
What I Learned After Moving To America and Getting a Job at Chipotle (part2)
Field Research: Day 79
On my third day at Chipotle, we listened to loud rap music and I was—again—asked to dice a crate of red onions. After finishing, I brought my dirty knife to the dish pit. I scrubbed it clean and accidentally cut my finger. Continue reading “What I Learned After Moving To America and Getting a Job at Chipotle (part2)”
Everything You Need To Know About the Future of American Healthcare in One Simple Graph
The Real Reason Americans Are ’Anti-Establishment’
Field Research: Day 92
I am requested to mail out a small package so I walk four blocks south and find the post office. The building is a tasteful white stone structure with flush walls interrupted by tall steel windows. The top of the structure is adorned with subtle Greek Revival details and capped with a simple cornice that accommodates neat black letters:
United States Post Office Seattle Washington University Station 98105
Continue reading “The Real Reason Americans Are ’Anti-Establishment’”
What I Learned After Moving To America And Getting a Job at Chipotle (part1)
Field Research: Day 30
A month after my Permanent Change of Station to America, I visited a restaurant called Chipotle Mexican Grill. During the ordering process, I pointed to one of the optional condiments and asked, “Is that some sort of garlic sauce?” Continue reading “What I Learned After Moving To America And Getting a Job at Chipotle (part1)”
Aggregate Strength of Spirit: USA, China, Europe
Dear Sweden,
Our Data Analytics team has compiled the data-set from the Trump Inaugurational Liquid Barium test. This is a visual representation of population-wide aggregate strength of spirit in three global civilizations (plotted along local temporal concept beginning with respective birth of modernity). Continue reading “Aggregate Strength of Spirit: USA, China, Europe”
President Bert Karlsson
Dear Sweden,
Here in America, the Donald-Elect will become president in exactly five minutes. Through a Chicago Cubs-induced upset, the Donald-Elect will be sworn in as president of the central government and general secretary of the federal military commission. The rise of the Donald-Elect is a helpful indicator—much like a cup of liquid barium given to a patient by a radiologist—that will reveal the exact location of American society in the lower tract of the corkscrew model of development. Continue reading “President Bert Karlsson”
Crazy Homeless People
Dear Sweden,
Here in America, all members of the citizenry yield to crazy homeless people. When confronted with a bleary-eyed old man who screams unintelligible swearwords through a greasy beard, all people follow the same three rules of American etiquette:
- Don’t make eye contact.
- Pretend like nothing.
- Keep walking.
Dark Heart of the Swede; Common Decency of the American
Dear Sweden,
Here in America, people are deeply generous. Let us ponder their generosity in the spheres of healthcare, defense and free trade. Continue reading “Dark Heart of the Swede; Common Decency of the American”
The American Gaze
Dear Sweden,
Here in America, the people suffer under the scorching sun of the American gaze. They drink this water. They breathe this air. And inevitably, they become aware that their bodies are being viewed.
The psychological effect, Lacan argues, is that the subject loses a degree of autonomy upon realizing that he or she is a visible object.