Author: The Editors

32. Montane with Matt King Carty

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For this episode, we speak with an old friend while visiting Myrtle Beach, South Carolina. We reminisce about meeting as young bucks in Shanghai and the strange privilege we enjoyed and abused in those early days. We talk about Chinese society and American society. We disagree on vaccines, coronavirus, masks and every other conspiracy on God’s flat earth—but we are older now, and these disagreements will no longer make the blood boil.

God bless.

Our deepest gratitude is extended to Matt’s entire family for the love and hospitality shown during our visit to the South. This episode even features a small cameo appearance by Matt’s offspring, Lana.

Today is the birthday of our good friend Justin Michael Russel who passed away in 2015. We dedicate this episode to him and raise our glasses of sparkling water–in loving memory. What we wouldn’t do to have that man on the podcast….

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31. Cherry with Ruth Bader Ginsburg

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For this week, we are publishing a brief micro-episode and mourning the tectonic drift of one of the three branches of the US government.

Water of the week: Cherry from Ugly Soda, Tart Cherry & Siberian Ginseng for Energy from Free Rain and Orange Cherry Pineapple from Yerbaé.

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30. Blood Orange with Megan Suter

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Room mate and epidemiologist Megan Suter joins us for a conversation on coronavirus and anxiety. Joakim talks about his lifelong dream of joining a cult and Dr. Suter is worried, but perhaps not worried enough?

Also, we go back to our grown and sexy friend Blood Orange: Clear Cut Phocus, Ablis CBD and Free Rain Enhanced Sparkling Water.

If you enjoy the show, please leave us a review on Apple Podcasts.

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29. Blackberry & How to Sleepwalk into a Relapse

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In this episode, we enter the confessional and talk about the ex-fiancee.

There is also reason to think of our failed society and the stories we tell ourselves in the Handsome Sad Guy genre of futuristic space movies: Blade Runner 2049, Ad Astra, Her.

Lastly, we drink blackberry-flavored sparkling water: Simple Truth Organic Seltzer Water Blackberry Hibiscus, Blackberry Real-Fruit Infused Sparkling Water with 25mg CBD from WYLD CBD, and the Blackberry & Passionflower For Calm enhanced sparkling water from Free Rain.

Please visit AmericanDecline.org for methods of supporting the podcast.

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28. Watermelon & Friendship Pornography

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Today, we talk about friendship and the many friendship substitutes we’ve created for ourselves: television, twitch streams, and perhaps even podcasts about sparkling water?

Water of the week is watermelon from Good & Gather, La Croix and a strawberry-watermelon-flavored sparkling protein water from Fizzique.

If you enjoy the podcast, please go to Apple Podcasts and leave us a review. God bless.

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27. Peach-Apricot & the Enlightened Child

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In this episode, we talk about difficult-to-explain childhood experiences of mindfulness. Why does the eight year old mind spontaneously and without judgement bring all attention to the present moment?

If you meet the Buddha, kill him.

Water of the week is Peach from Sparkling OH!, Peach Apricot from Yerbana and Apricot from La Croix.

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26. 2nd Berry & 9th Grade

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In this episode, we learn about the strange layers of Schisandra Chinensis, the five flavor fruit of the Russian Far East. We also indulge in the enjoyable recollection of events from the grade school era.

Water of the week is Trader Joe’s Sparkling Mineral Water Mixed Berry, Sparkling Yerbaé Pomegranate Berry, and Schisandra Berry from the Sparkling Botanicals line by Rishi.

Please visit AmericanDecline.org for links to our store and Patreon.

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25. Tu(r)meric with David Phillips

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This is the first part of our David Phillips session (the second part was published last week) recorded during out visit to Portland Oregon.

We take a medical history on Dave and he dives into his uncomfortable and mouth-discoloring bouts with the flesh of Indonesian Tumeric. We briefly touch on the topics of Luciakatter (Swedish Saffron Buns), cardamom buns, Burma, the Nobel peace prize, and rhizomes, and then we focus on the big stuff: What actually happened while we were living together in Shanghai? And was it right?

Water of the week is a flight of turmeric-flavored crispy bois: Turmeric Gloe Blood Orange Sparkling, the turmeric saffron flavor from the line of Sparkling Botanicals by Rishi and Honey Lime Tonic with whole ginger and turmeric from Rhizome.

If you want to support the podcast, please visit AmericanDecline.org

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24. Maté: Mint with David Phillips

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For this episode we drink sparkling erva-mate and then we go full Freudian: What are our parents? Can we stop talking to our parents for a period? What is our relationship with ourselves? Did they create us, only to destroy us? And then we get fairly honest about how bad things can get and why things can always get worse.

Water of the week is mint sparkling Yerba Mate: Clean Cause Berry Mint, Yerbana Mint and Guayakí Blackberry Mint.

To support the podcast, visit AmericanDecline.org for links to our store and Patreon.

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23. Ananas with Marissa Rodriguez

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Social Justice Warrior Marissa invites us into the kaleidoscopic world of Seattle Dating and the narrative culminates with a philosophical conundrum on a picnic blanket where Marissa is for forced to choose between her political convictions and her sexual desires.

A riveting tale of real-life intrigue and drama. Five stars.

Water of the week is Ananasas from Simple Truth Organic and Trader Joe’s Sparkling Mineral Water.

Please visit AmericanDecline.org for a opportunity to support the podcast.

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22. Ginger & Self-Sabotage

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Here, we have a man—yielding and perishing under the burden of himself.

In this episode, we also chance upon the official beverage of Buddhist enlightenment.

Water of the week is Ginger Sparkling OH!, Trader Joe’s Seltzer with a Splash: Lemon & Ginger Juice, Strawberry Ginger Sparkling from Voss, and Dandelion Ginger from Sparkling Botanicals by Rishi.

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21. Alt-Citrus & Sexual Trauma

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We cannot plan for these conversations. When the time is right, these things simply happen. In this episode, we open up about sexual trauma and the road to a shared understanding of bad experiences.

Water of the week is Alt-Citrus: Trader Joe’s Sparkling Coconut Water with Yuzu, Klarbrunn’s Pomelo Grapefruit and Trader Joe’s Cranberry Clementine Sparkling Mineral Water.

Please visit AmericanDecline.org for links to our store and instructions on how to be a Basic Bubble Boy.

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20. Coconut-Pineapple with the Most Patriotic Man in America

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Today, in honor of the 1776 federal holiday of July 4th Independence from Natives, we speak to Proud Citizen Max Loring about pineapples and American exceptionalism.

You have all heard about Reagan-Democrats and Obama-Trump voters. Well, get ready, because you’re about to meet a man with two types of love in his heart: In 2008, a love for Hillary Clinton during the democratic primary and, in 2019, a love for Donald Trump’s reelection campaign.

Let’s raise a glass of sparkling water to all the Hillary-Trump voters out there.

Water of the week is Pineapple-Coconut from Soleil by Signature Select, Good & Gather, and Klarbrunn. Please visit AmericanDecline.org to learn more about how to become a Basic Bubble Boy in support of the podcast.

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19. Very, Very Plain with Ivan the Benevolent

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Like a crazy ex-boyfriend rising out of the No-Contact Order ashes, Ivan returns to the podcast and one thing is clear: The Sparkling Water Community Loves Ivan.

We talk restaurant reopenings, remouladesås, gamer girl bath water, Nintendo 64 and the giving and receiving of gifts.

Water of the week is oh-so-plain: Unflavored Sparkling Mineral Water by Mountain Valley, Whole Foods Italian Sparkling and Gerolsteiner Sprudel.

Please visit AmericanDecline.org for more information on how to support the podcast.

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18. Cherry-Lime & the Uyghur Autonomous Region

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“The Swedish Crown comes out in favor of Ethnic Minority Protesters.”

This is the official report from a recent visit by the Swedish delegation to the 2020 Capital Hill Ethnic Minority Autonomous Region.

Also, we perform a live session of cleromancy to derive a King Wen hexagram from a 3000-year-old Chinese text. Through the happenstance of flipping three coins, the ancient sage offers up useful instructions for the white ally in the modern era.

Water of the week is Cherry-Lime from Eternal Sparkling, Klarbrunn and Clean Cause.

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17. Topo Chico with Eric Banh

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For the second half of our Ba Bar special, we are joined by owner Eric Banh of the Saigon Siblings restaurant group. This is a conversation about the food, the shutdown and the reopening. Eric opens up about his childhood in Saigon, his first memory of America, and life as a refugee in Malaysia.

The philosophy of the restaurant is held up to the light and many things are revealed, and we finally learn what the deal is with the Vegan Pumpkin Curry!

Water of the week is a Topo Chico retrospective: Plain, Twist of Lime, Twist of Grapefruit, and most important Bernardo Style.

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16. Ginger & the Extrajudicial Killings

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In this episode, host M. Joakim Eriksson talks race and racism. This includes a treatment on fake money, alienation, and the strange narrative voice used to talk about problematic governance in faraway places. (If your podcatcher can handle URLs, then here’s a link to the WaPo article)

The second half of this episode is our comprehensive remarks on The Role of a Pen in a Restaurant.

Water of the week is Ginger-Orange Sparkling Yerba Mate from Clean Cause, Ginger Glo from Sparkling Glo, and Apple-Ginger from AHA.

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15. Tangerine with Sho Sheller

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This is the first half of our Ba Bar special.

We talk women, politics and cocktail-making. Eventually, around the half-way mark, we get to the good stuff and Sho admits that hiring Joakim at the restaurant “definitely ruffled some feathers.” But what does that even mean? What did I do wrong???

The water of the week is Tangerine from La Croix, Signature Select and Voss (Tangerine-Lemongrass).

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14. Lime with M. Joakim Eriksson

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For today’s episode, Joakim puts his faith in the random universe to deliver a theme and a topic. Was this a good idea? Can the thin air act as a foundation to build a podcast episode upon?

Yes and no. Regardless, Joakim will always find a way to talk about his failed marriage.

The water of the week is a triplet interpretation of another jazz standard: LIME!

  1. FieldDay
  2. Signature Select
  3. Topo Chico

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13. And the winner is…

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Today, we learn that Joakim struggles with a hoarding disorder fueled by narcissism and a persistent delusion of success: Nothing can be deleted from his hard-drive, because soon all these adoring fans might want to study every .txt and decode every .jpg and nod along to every .mp3.

Luckily, a Dropbox subscription is only twelve bucks a month.

Oh, and lastly we pick a winner from the Little Black Dog competition. This week’s water is anot installment of the Grapefruit sessions: Topo Chico, Polar Seltzer and Soleil by Signature Select.

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12. Watermelon with M. Joakim Eriksson

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For this episode, we raise our cups and monologue about humiliation, fear and watermelon. Somehow, while speaking of these things, Joakim’s mind will always wander back to Jojje Olsson—a “journalist” from Sweden.

Another week, another water: Kiwi-Watermelon by La Croix (Curate), Watermelon by Hint (sparkling?) and Lime-Watermelon by AHA.

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11. Orange with Marissa Rodriguez

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GUEST-OF-THE-YEAR MARISSA is brought back for another open therapy session where host M. Joakim Eriksson is forced to accept a difficult truth: Other people are never the problem. This is followed by light banter about alcoholism, racism and how to excommunicate a parent. Fun.

Water of the week: Orange from Field Day, Bubly and Crystal Geyser.

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10. Waterloo with Max Loring

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This episode is one hour and seventeen minutes of hard-hitting questions followed by a fearless pursuit of answers. Which berry is Joakim’s biker grandpa allergic to? Did Napoleon figure it all out in the end? Death before decaf? Has Max always been playing too many video games? Seattle’s “utomsocknes” with a terrible fashion sense—where are they really from? Ohio or Florida?

That’s all from the first fifteen minutes, because pretty soon we arrive at the China question: wet markets, Chinese politics and concentration camps in Xinjiang.

Water of the week: Watermelon, Grape and Strawberry from Waterloo.

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