Mango Chainsaw from Liquid Death is the Official Sparkling Water of Elden Ring. In this water, you can taste every shade of Japanese nightmare: all that fear, doubt and loneliness. We also review Mango Pineapple from Signature Select and Pineapple from Soleil by Signature Select, but those two waters are 100% nightmare-free.

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This terrible no-good episode was brought to you by the M. Joakim Eriksson Center for American Decline. This week, the decline of the American Empire is everywhere for all to see. Water? Alta from Casamara Club is a sparkling, alcohol free take on the the Negroni, Unicorn Tears from Mad Tasty is an exotic and mysterious blend of natural fruit flavors that is delightful on the nose and refreshing for the brain, Aromatic from the Bitter Housewife is based on Old Fashioned Aromatic bitters and has flavors of dried cherries, ginger, cinnamon, and allspice. 

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In this episode, we talk about capitalism: it is no measure of health to be well-adapted to a sick society. This week’s sparkling water is three flavors from Casamara Cub: Como, Onda and Sera. Como is inspired by Amaro from Northern Italty and Onda is inspired by Amaro from Sicily. So fancy! We couldn’t get sparkling water like this without capitalism though, that’s for sure.

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In this episode, we talk about Shame. Water of the week is our second round of Alt-Citrus: Mandarin Orange from Rebbl Sparkling Prebiotic Tonic, Yuzu Citrus from Mad Tasty Pure Sparkling Water, and Orange Turmeric from Vive Organic Immunity Sparkling Drink.

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But first, why is the god in my head such a racist god?!? Water of the week is lemon lime: SEVERED LIME from Liquid Death, Lemon Lime Twist’r from Bubbl’r, and Lemon Seltzer from Boylan Bottling.

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BERRY IT ALIVE! from Liquid Death, Blackberry Lemon from AHA!, and Blackberry from REBBL.

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Here, we talk about video games and Morgan Short and something truly American: Having Dinner With The Conservative Wing Of Your Own Family. Water of the week is Guava Rose, Pear Turmeric and Lemon Ginger from wildwonder. One word, all lowercase. wildwonder. By Rosa Li, Founder. wildwonder. Growing up, my Chinese grandmother would wildwonder. Cheers, wildwonder. Growing up, wildwonder. One word. All lowercase.

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What does it mean to be a good manager? How do we meet people where they are? How tall is Jason Momoa? Water of the week is our second round of Elder Tree: Elderflower Tonic Water from Fever-Tree, Elderflower Rose Lemonade from Belvoir Fruit Farms, and Blackberry Elderflower Immunity Drink from Vive Organic. Here’s a lil factoid for you: After Judas Iscariot betrayed Jesus, he committed suicide by hanging himself from the branch of an Elder Tree. This is why the Jelly Ear tree fungus growing on Elder Tree used to be called Jew’s Ear.

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I used the word formaldehyde, but I clearly wanted to say chloroform. Why didn’t anyone correct me? Water: Aromatic Tonic Water from Fever-Free, Aromatic Bitters & Soda from The Bitter Housewife, and Lightwave from Kin Euphorics.

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Why is it so hard connect with the things we end up loving the most? Water of the week is a bunch of nonsense: Gokuri グレープフルーツ Grapefruit Pink&White, Yogurt Hoobaru Orange Flavor from Pokka Sapporo, and Clementine Flavored Italian Soda from O Organics. Hoobaru is kind of a nice word, though.

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This is just one more episode about alienation and derealization at the Post Office. Three grapes: White Grape from Raley’s, Concord Grape from Signature Select, and Grape from Waterloo (revisited).

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How weak? This weak. Three remixes of lime-citrus: Tangerine Lime from Signature Select, Tangerine Lime from Raley’s, and Yuzu Lime from Fever-Tree.

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We are not going to tell you which parts though, because there are giblets sprinkled through-out. Did you know that in New Zealand “sprinkles” are called Hundreds and Thousands? Isn’t that just the cutest thing you’ve ever heard? R.I.P. Dr. Sutherluke with the NZ factoids. Our weakly water is three flavors from Genki Forest: Lychee Fizzy, Yoghurt Refresh and Plum Passion.

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I am not satisfied with this episode. Water weakly: Sprig Sugar Free CBD-Infused Sparkling Beverage Citrus Flavored, Bitters & Soda Orange from The Bitter Housewife, Blood Orange-flavored Calming Hemp & Adaptogen infused Sparkling Water from Recess.

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In this episode, we talk about the razor thin line between self-loathing and a speech impediment. Weakly water update: Tangerine Lemongrass from Simple Truth Organic, Lemongrass Coconut from Aura Bora and Coconut Lime from Recess.

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In this episode, we talk about how my childhood was a lot like that movie My Octopus Teacher, but instead of an octopus, it was Bob Saget. Water of the weak is Triple Berry from Arrowhead Sparkling, Mixed Berry from Good & Gather, and Raspberry Lemon Sparkling Maple Water from Drink Simple.

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Our sixth installment on grapefruit! Through a water, weakly: Signature Select Italian Mineral Water with Grapefruit Flavor, Bitters & Soda Grapefruit from The Bitter Housewife, and Mango Grapefruit Seltzer Water from Simple Truth Organic.

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This is a throwaway episode where I repeat myself and fail to say anything new. In short, this episode is weak: This Weak in Sparkling Water. Hahahahhaha. Water of the weak is Lavender Chill from Limitless, Lavender Cucumber from Aura Bora, and Pomegranate Hibiscus from Recess.

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Dr. Luke asked if the power outage helped with my sleep cycle. That should make sense, right? The sun goes down and we don’t have power and its dark and we fall asleep, right? So why am I recording this episode at 3AM? The water is White Strawberry & Coconut from Genki Forest, Strawberry Margarita from Polar Seltzer and Strawberry Créme from Signature Select.

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There is a road in Grass Valley called Snowline Road. Before that road? No snow. After? Snow. Water of the week is… hmmm…. can I remember? Genki Forest Peach Something? White peach? Recess Adaptogen Hemp Peach Ginger? Signature Select Peach Cremé?

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Merry Christmas. This next sentence is total word soup: Water of the week is Signature Select Soleil Soleil Mango Passionfruit, Talking Rain + Caffeine Passionfruit, and Bubbl’r Antioxidant Sparkling Water Passion Fruit Wond’r. Not even an Oxford comma can save that one.

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Water of the week is Lemon Lime from Syfo (Publix), Lemon from Spindrift and Lemon Lime Twist’r from Bubbl’r.

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Xavier is back. Water of the week is Cactus Rose from Aura Bora, Raspberry Rose from Poppi, and Raspberry Lemon from Huzzah.

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She’s back by popular demand. Water of the week is melon: Aura Bora Peppermint Watermelon, Sprig 20mg CBD, and Ramlösa Funktionsvatten med extrakt av gröna kaffebönor och ginseng. There you go. Little bit of Swedish for you there at the end. Doesn’t that feel good?

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