An Abundance Of Caution
In response to the COVID-19 outbreak and with guidance from public health bureaucrats, the M. Joakim Eriksson Center for American Decline will now be housed at AmericanDecline.org so that we can continue to provide our services in a manner which is safe for our staff, clients and larger community.
Thank you for your patience and understanding during this unusual time.
4. Caffeine with Max Loring
We sit down with Max “hardest worker in Seattle coming through” Loring and have a brief conversation about social media and unemployment in the age of Coronavirus before we completely lock horns on the issue of Talking Rain.
The water of the week is two flavors of caffeinated sparkling water from Talking Rain: Summer Melon and Blood Orange.
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3. Very, Very Raspberry with Marissa Rodriguez
We drink raspberry-flavored sparkling water from Cascade Ice, Bubly, La Croix and Talking Rain, and then we finally face our fears and talk about the issues we’ve been afraid to approach.
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2. PampleTwo with Cooper Shaw
Here, in the second half of the Grapefruits, we review La Croix, Bubly and Waterloo.
We also introduce a new segment (Sparkling Water Myths) and then talk Carbonara recipes, early childhood memories, physical fights, and the Madison Diner on Bainbridge Island (Family-owned? Family-owned!).
We wrap up the episode in agreement: We both love working for Eric Bahn and Ba Bar.
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1. PampleOne with Cooper Shaw
In our first session with Coop, we review six brands of grapefruit-flavored sparkling water and talk about Ramlösa and how sparkling water is perceived in Joakim’s native Sweden.
We also touch upon Coop’s upbringing in Los Angeles which obviously leads to a conversation about God and restaurants in Seattle. Part one is a review of the Grapefruits by Signature Select (Safeway), Talking Rain and Cascade Ice. Part two will feature La Croix, Bubly and Waterloo.
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Vacation Announcement
Please note that all M-CAS offices will close on July 13 in accordance with the “Swedish Knowledge Worker Mandatory Paid Leave” statute of the 1974 Instrument of Government. Continue reading
“Take the bus into a low-income neighborhood and sell your blood for $50”
Field Research: Day 28
My first job in America was not really a job. Continue reading
Cash Ruins Everything Around Me (C.R.E.A.M.)
Dear Sweden,
Here in America, banks provide a valuable service to their community. Continue reading
The Penis Catalog
Dear Sweden,
Here in America, there are no penis catalogs that wives can flip through to pick out the perfect penis for their husband’s penis augmentation surgery. Continue reading
Impeachment and a Looming American Refugee Crisis
Tipping is Racist, Here’s Why
Field Research: Day 3
On my third day in America, I walk downstairs to get a haircut. The hair-dresser is a pleasant local woman in her early thirties. Continue reading
It’s A Wrap—Swede Spills Beans On Big Burrito (part5)
Field Research: Day 188
I arrived at work and noticed that something was different. The sound of vegetable chopping was muted and anxious. The small-talk was subdued and peppered with dry throat-clearings. A sweaty mechanic was splayed out on the floor in front of me. He was tightening some bolts on the bottom of a sink. Continue reading
New Mug For Sale!
Today, as President Trump announces America’s intent to retreat from reality, make sure to plant your feet firmly on the right side of history and purchase the “Accelerate The American Decline” coffee mug. Continue reading
American Sign Language
Please DO NOT open this Visa Envelope
Field Research: Day 1
“Shifu, today I am moving to America,” I say as the taxi climbs the on-ramp and careens toward the Beijing Capital Airport. At first, the taxi driver does not respond. Then he mumbles, “Good.” Continue reading
Movie Review: Birth of a Nation (2016)
Field Research: Day 391
Today I went to the Varsity Theater in Seattle and paid $4.00 for a bag of peanut M&Ms and $10.50 for a ticket to Birth of a Nation. Continue reading
In Conversation With Animals
Dear Sweden,
Here in America, we have adopted a dog. The staff at the Seattle Humane Society gave us a strange and awkward look when we explained that we needed a dog “because dog-ownership is an integral stepping stone toward understanding the American experience from the inside.” Continue reading
Mug For Sale
Dear Sweden,
Here in America, even the wretched vagrants believe in the truth and beauty of the free market. Continue reading
What I learned after moving to America and getting a job at Chipotle (part4)
Field Research: Day 135
In March of 2016, I traveled to China for two weeks to officiate a friend’s wedding. Upon my return, the restaurant manager waved me over and greeted me. She was sitting with one of the middle-managers. She said, “We are getting all new furniture for the restaurant. Chairs and tables.” Continue reading
TrumpCare’s Unpalatability, Explained
Dear Sweden,
Here in America, President Trump and Speaker Ryan have unveiled their new healthcare proposal: The American Health Care Act (AHCA). Continue reading
What I learned after moving to America and getting a job at Chipotle (part3)
Field Research: Day 97
On February 8, 2016, all Chipotle restaurants across the country remained closed. Instead, all employees were requested to show up at nearby movie theaters to participate in a live-streaming event with upper management. Continue reading
How Americans Understand «Truth»
Dear Sweden,
Here in America, civilians are routinely exposed to false and misleading information. Our America-based researchers are chronically exhausted from living and working in a Low-Trust Information Environment. But for the locals, this is normal. Continue reading
